And We're/I'm Not Ready

This blogging thing is still relatively new to me. It is a snow day, or I wouldn't have time to write. The concept of writing personal stuff for other people to read is still a bit strange, however, it has helped me think about the crazy and funny things that happen here. Much of what I post is funny or sweet.....crazy antics of 6 girls. This morning my post involves something that might very well be a little humorous in a few more days, but right now....not so much.

Perhaps one of the most difficult things for mothers (and fathers too) is the thought of their babies growing up. Granted, there are many things over the years that I have not been sad to see my children grow out of and into. Some things though have proven harder than others. This is definitely one of them!

The twins are now three-and-a-half. They are walking, talking, sassing, laughing little people.......no longer babies (though we still refer to them as "the babies" more often than not). It has been time for a while I suppose. Their future orthodontist would likely tell you that it has been. I just didn't think they were ready and to some degree I am still skeptical. Yes......you guessed it......PACIS. Now before you judge me, keep in mind that my children have all been well-adjusted, independent, and very verbal. Caia and Leia have been no different. Just like their oldest sister did when she was a little, they have mastered the fine art of talking with a paci hanging out of the sides of their mouths.

I have spent many hours over the last three years searching for pacifiers at all hours of the night and day. I still remember the first time that I saw them in the NICU with those TINY little "buds" (that's really all it was was a little tiny bubble on a stem) in their little mouths. There is certainly something magical about a pacifier, and they are named well for they are certainly peace makers. This is a magic that my older girls seem to have forgotten, because they can't quite figure out the draw. At any rate, we began this discussion with them talking about giving their pacis to baby Ella, then to Aunt Judy's "new"baby,then the paci fairy.

None of those lasted long. They had good intentions, but the magic was too strong. So......much to my dismay, Chris decided (and will tell you he did long ago) that it was time to go cold turkey......for them and for me. :) So Sunday afternoon without any real warning, without a last hit of the paci drug, the pacis went away. They cried and didn't nap Sunday. They wailed, screamed, blamed, argued, begged, and finally fell asleep sniffling Sunday night. Yesterday, they asked Mamaw at naptime, but didn't argue much. Last night right at bedtime (surprisingly not before), Caia asked and fussed some. She finally went to sleep. This morning they got up......and didn't ask for help finding the pacis that sometimes fall under the bed. They cuddled and smiled. Leia greeted with an ear-to-ear grin and "I'm up now". 

What's the point you ask? They just might have done it......they might have kicked the paci bug......WAY faster than I anticipated, WAY faster than I thought they were ready. They still may have their moments. I am not sure what will happen when they find one, because their are plenty I'm sure squirrelled away somewhere in this house. They seem to be doing pretty well......but I am a basket case. I am trying....it's growing on me. I know it's better on them, but these are my babies, my last babies. Pacis were their last "baby" thing.

I am normally NOT this way. I teach, so I know what keeping kids  babies too long can do. I am the mom who always (as Mrs. Joy and Miss Black will attest) made sure that my kids went to school knowing how to put on jackets, tie shoes, zip zippers. This one is TOUGH though. I'm sitting here now crying like a baby. Knowing in my head that it doesn't change them.....they are still my "babies". However, my heart knows a different truth.....that motherhood is hard no matter how old the baby. That a twelve-year-old growing into to a young woman......an eight-year-old losing just a little of her "Princess".....and three-year-olds giving up pacis are all very hard on a mommy. (And it is tough to admit that yet again Daddy was right.) I know that as these six grow even more there will be many firsts and lasts to deal with. I am SOOOO thankful that God gave them to me and is giving me a little more grace every day. :)